Purposelessness—Not Social Media—is Causing Our Kids' Depression

Social media started around 2012, which is precisely when we saw our kids’ mental health drop into an abyss. But nobody has been able to clearly articulate exactly how social media is causing it. Nor why it crushes some kids while barely affecting others.

I believe I have the answer. Or at least the primary answer.

It’s not Social Media causing the depression. Social Media is causing Purposelessness, and the Lack of Purpose is causing the depression.

Comparison as the thief of joy

The common narrative we hear about social media’s negative influence is that of comparison. Young kids, especially girls, are shown images of the gorgeous, famous, and happy, and they compare that to their own lives and are devastated. Repeatedly. All day, every day.

That’s bad, for sure, but I don’t think it’s quite it. That’s more like the kindling or the match, but not the fire.

The problem is that social media is sending multiple conflicting messages for what that young person should be.

• You should be beautiful

• You should be tall

• You should be a YouTuber

• You should be a model

• You should be an influencer

• You should be a singer

• You should be attractive and popular

Kids and teens are supposed to be forming their direction in life as they grow up. Figuring out where they’re going and what they want to be. But that little voice inside them is quiet, and it gets drowned out by the persistent and convincing messages from social media.

Another thing that’s making it worse is that parents are simultaneously sending less of their own signal of what the kid should be.

Parents used to largely tell kids who they were, and what they should be. Maybe they’d give some options, but it was clear that they should at least be:

• Someone who believes in God

• Someone who loves their country

• Someone with a trade or education

• Someone with a job in their trade or field

• Someone with their own family and career

In other words, most people knew from the time of childhood on, who they were and what their purpose was. It was to be a patriotic and god-fearing electrician, or housewife, or teacher. Or whatever.

Super simple. Super clear. At the same time, the false purpose signals were few and relatively quiet. They didn’t have social media—or media in general—showing them thousands of alternatives a day.

Today we have the opposite.