A List of My Hard-won Life Lessons

I’m working on my context.md file for my personal Digital Assistant, and one part of that will be my model.md file, which is basically life lessons, or ways I view the world.

I’ve been capturing them in various forms, but one useful way is as a set of highly-compressed pieces of wisdom.

Here’s my list of uncommon knowledge that took me far too long to discover.

In practice, weak people behave very similarly to evil people. Don’t tie yourself to either.

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When I am feeling low mood or low energy, 95% of the time it's because I have not 1) gotten up early, 2) gotten outside, 3) worked out, 4) gone for a walk, or done anything else physical in the last 2 days. Just go do that, and you'll instantly feel better.

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Radical honesty—or something close to it—is harder to do at the time but infinitely better for your relationships. Avoiding hard conversations creates toxicity that builds up over time and destroys things.

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If your anxiety levels go up thinking about Monday, find a new job. Or find a way to start your own thing. Life is entirely too short to dread 5 days out of 7.

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You almost never lose by being kind to a stranger. No strings attached. A compliment. A gesture. A smile. Just be nice. People really, really need it right now. Give it away freely. It feels good, too.

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People believe things mostly for reasons they don't understand, which are largely emotional and identity-related. This is why facts and logic aren't really effective in arguments. If you want to change minds, start by figuring out why they hold their opinions.

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Taking responsibility for the state of your life is a superpower. There are few more powerful words than, "That's on me. I will fix that.", and few more destructive words than, "I can't do that because {someone else} is doing {a thing}."

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Meaning requires you have purpose. Purpose comes from being useful. Being useful comes from working on problems that matter. Build skills to help you work on those problems. Meaning -> Purpose -> Useful -> Problems -> Skills.

This works in the opposite direction as well. If you don't know how to get meaning in your life, think about what skills you have. Then think about what meaningful problems you can apply them to. Which will make you useful. Which will give you the meaning you seek. Skills -> Problems -> Usefulness -> Meaning.

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I am my most optimistic and kind when I am high-energy. And I am high-energy when I work out. So working out isn't just a physical thing: it makes me a kinder, more optimistic, and overall better person who is more productive as a side benefit.

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Procrastination and anxiety are much more related than people think. Good sleep, exercise, and general organization of life address both.

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Your work can only be as rewarding as the problems you're working on are meaningful.

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When I'm not exercising and I feel bad, I feel certain that exercise is not the problem. It's something else. Something worse. But as soon as I exercise, I realize the problem was that I wasn't exercising.

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The key to creating great content is authenticity and surprise. In that order. Be yourself, constantly explore, and share that with others. It's an evergreen content strategy. Perhaps the only one.

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The ideal number of human workers in any business is zero. The purpose of companies is to make as much money as possible with the lowest possible expenses. So AI and other types of automation are not disruptions to a human-based Capitalism—instead, they’re revealing that today’s Capitalism is not fundamentally human in the first place.

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Few things help a relationship more than honestly asking for what you want, and both sides being willing to walk away if it's not a match.

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In hiring, I used to think that everyone is curious and ambitious and talented, and you just needed to expose them to the right training. But the truth is that some people only need a task and a search engine and they're highly productive, while others can get two master's degrees and take 6 months of training and still ask you what they should do every morning.

Change your hiring strategy from training random people to large nets that find the 1% gems.

Old method:

1) Find decent people,

2) train them,

3) hope they become great

Best method:

1) Cast a massive net to find the 1% gems,

2) don’t hire anyone who isn’t one

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Becoming comfortable with being yourself is everything. Authenticity is the only way to be truly fulfilled. You'll have some people who are jealous or who will hate; just accept it as part of the cost.

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VCs and HR representatives aren't your friends. They're there for the company, not for you. Just because they're smiling doesn't mean they'll do right by you. The incentives are misaligned.

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A deductive argument for why you should always work out.

1. Framing is reality.

2. Your energy level changes your framing, making it more positive and productive.

3. Lifting heavy things and working out gives you insane energy.

4. Therefore, working out improves your reality.

So if your reality doesn't feel good, go work out. Go lift heavy things.

It doesn't matter if you don't think it will work. You don't think it will because that's the reality you're in at that moment. 

Once you work out, your reality will be better. Not theoretically better, or better in a way—but actually better.

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People do their best work when they're obsessed with a problem. Find problems that allow you to be like that, and hire people who feel like that about the problems you're working on.

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Many people wish they could find another partner, but they stay together because of kids, bills, or family obligations that would make it very difficult to split up. Don't let yourself be one of those people.

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Your parents are flawed people who were doing their best given their upbringing and their own traumas. Forgive them and love them as best you can.

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Don't work in an industry; work on problems.

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Don't expect someone to understand something if their job and role require that they don't.

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I know very few people who are happy all the time but don’t go outside and exercise. I know very few people who go outside and exercise who are depressed all the time. I don’t think this is a coincidence anymore.

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If you have the wrong partner in life, that's your ceiling for life happiness. If they're a 4, then 4 is the happiest and most successful you can be. Your partner is the most important choice you'll make.

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The most insane life hack in the world is somehow the most secret. Eat and exercise like a thin person and you'll be thin. Read like Charlie Munger and you'll be smart. Work out like Sam Sulek and you'll gain muscle. In general, copying what works—actually works.

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The way to tell who your real friends are is to think of who will celebrate a win you're having even if they're having a bad day, or week, or month. True friendship doesn't depend on them doing better than you.

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NOTES

• I’ll keep adding more over time.