Drinking

February 23, 2016

Whether you drink or not, doing so well (or at least knowing how to do it well) can be important in a number of social contexts.

Here are some basic points I’ve collected over the years.

Decide what you want before you go to the bar; don’t make the bartender or anyone else wait
Order the alcohol first, and the mixer second
Say the name of the brand first
To signal the bartender, have payment ready and lean in
The right way to order is like so: “Belvedere and Tonic”, or “Grey Goose and Tonic”
If you’re ordering lots of stuff, start with cocktails, then go to wines, then end with beers (that said, Guinness earlier because it takes a long time to pour)
Know that you’re being annoying if you constantly order water. You should be getting drinks as well with it
Even if you’re paying with cash, give the bartender a credit card. Say something like, “I’m paying with cash, but you can hold onto this until then.”
If the bar is busy, order more simply; it’s nice to the bartender and to the other patrons
Always toast before doing a shot
Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast
Do not make eye-contact with the bartender if you don’t want a drink
If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store
Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tellthe barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value
Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I’m an idiot.”
Unless you’re a regular, don’t ask for names
A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it

Terms

Back means non-alcohol chaser, by itself. E.g.: Shot of Jack Daniel’s with a Coke back.
Chilled means cold. How about that.
Dirty means with olive juice
Double means twice the liquor
Dry means it’s made with dry vermouth and it’s used in gin and vodka martinis
Frozen means blended
Neat means without ice and in an old-fashioned glass
On the rocks is with ice. Makes sense.
Sweet means made with sweet vermouth
Top Shelf means with expensive alcohol, e.g., Top Shelf Long Island Ice Tea
Up means chilled and strained into a martini glass
With a twist means to add a twist of lemon
Coat the rim of the glass with kosher salt

Vodkas

Cîroc (France, wine-like, five-times distilled)
Belvedere (Polish rye vodka, made in Poland)
Tito’s Handmade Vodka (Made in Austin, Texas, named for the creator’s (Bert Butler) nickname by his Hispanic nannies)
Türi (Estonia, four-times distilled, smooth and clean with a mild and peppery aftertaste)
Grey Goose (Made in France, considered to be overpriced)

Gin

Tangqueray London Dry (London, now Scotland)
Beefeater (England)
Bombay Dry (England)
Broker’s London Dry (England)

Favorite Drinks

Mezcal Mule with Sombra
Moscow Mule with Belvedere
Tanqueray and Tonic

Advanced

Ask the bartender if you can buy them a shot. Choose something bartenders like, perhaps Fernet Branca or Jameson (HT @JS)
If you’re going to have any sort of regular presence, start with one drink and leave a $5 tip, regardless of what you ordered
The bartender is always right; if she says you’re being too loud, you are. Even if you’re not. Do what she/he says and come back another time. They’ll respect that you respected them

Notes

I’m not an expert on this stuff. I’m an advanced n00b who likes to understand things, so this is a work in progress.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Order-a-Drink-at-a-Bar
Source: http://www.drunkard.com/86-rules-of-boozing/
Source: http://www.sfgate.com/wine/cocktailian/article/10-rules-to-drink-by-Good-etiquette-in-any-bar-3674604.php
A Well Drink is the cheapest alcohol available.