Take a moment and imagine that you and a bunch of your friends are being invited to a party. They’re mostly nice dudes and they’re offering you some free food, but every time you go, someone always ends up asking if you want to help them move their furniture.
Now you don’t hate moving furniture, in fact you’re happy to do it for people you like. But the last time you politely declined someone they got really offended and started giving you attitude. And then you heard from your friends that there’s a rumor that you’re an asshole because you never help anyone.
Now again, you really like these guys, but it seems like every time you go, there’s at LEAST three or four dudes who are kind of sizing you up to see if you might be interested in helping them move. They glance at your arms when you’re talking and clearly don’t care about what you say, and ask awkward questions about your schedule, fully aware of their intentions.
Of course, hooking up is a mutually enjoyable experience, unlike moving furniture (it’s just the first thing that comes to mind), but the feeling that you’re being brought around for something you may not be interested in isn’t in itself enjoyable.
Love the analogy.
I’m struck by a counter-example, however, whereby big strong men are treated extra nicely by groups of women who need help moving.