I lack the words, but I don’t need them.
I sometimes realize that I’m hesitant to talk about my love here, and tonight is one of those nights. It’s another night when I’m reminded that my love for her is all that matters to me. She is my meaning, and without her there is none.
And yet I hesitated to write this, as I always have. It’s a trite thing to declare ones love in such a public way, and I feel it impossible to do properly. But tonight, thankfully, I don’t care. I need a mountain to yell from, and this website is all I have for one.
Yesterday marked fifteen years that we’ve been together. That was when we agreed to see nobody else but each other, and this morning as she was pulling out to work in her rental car she’s never driven I came out in my pajamas in the freezing cold to pour warm water on her frozen windshield.
The smile she gave me, when she realized that she wouldn’t have to sit in the cold and wait for the ice to melt–that smile is the meaning in my life. A simple sweetness between two people who met so randomly and have been through so much. All that we have in this world are a series of these moments.
So I had to share. I have to tell the world. It sounds dumb, it looks stupid, and I don’t care. I give thanks for what I have, and I understand that time is uncertain.
The worst thing that can possibly happen to a person is to have his lover leave without knowing the depth of the feelings they had. And despite how silly it makes me look or feel, I shall leave no such doubt when I go.
Her name is Susan, and I love her more than anything. ::