Ouch.

If you’re not watching Key and Peele you’re f’ing up by the numbers. Trust. Believe.

Enjoy.

I pre-ordered.

Minutes after arriving at Scott Clark’s apartment Friday, college friend Marc Karam, 26, announced that he didn’t really have any plans in mind for his visit, and that he would be fine doing pretty much whatever this weekend. “Up to you, man—I’m down for anything,” said Karam, suggesting the two could just walk around the city for a while, check out Fisherman’s Wharf, hang out in the apartment, or maybe see what Brent’s up to later. “Honestly, I’m just here to see you, so it really doesn’t matter to me. And hey, if you got stuff you need to do, just go do it. I brought my laptop.” Clark later suggested that the two could go to Chinatown, which Karam rejected, saying he’d rather do something he hasn’t done before.

The Onion understands reality.

Okay, first we have to assume a few stated facts from both franchises, but namely Hogwarts.

• Technology isn’t supposed to work well (if at all) on the grounds
• With this limitation there is no drop in, Predator must approach on foot.
• Wizards are not inherantly stupid, they will notice classmates missing, this means element of surprise must inflict severe casualties.
• Cloaking will not work (technology)
• Predator is aware of technological disadvantage in effect, brings explosives and weapons with simplistic function / manual detonation (i.e fuse-type grenades, etc.) He is heavily armed but will require melee for majority of specified kills.
• Predator must leave with trophies of Faculty/significant skulls. He has no previous understanding of hogwarts society structure, will go off of prowess in battle, personal decoration, prowess of leadership, other visual cues. Predator does not understand English.
• Hogwarts is ENTIRELY UNFAMILIAR with Predator tactics/history. They do not understand what it wants, how it acts, and its limitations.