The Ultimate Masculinity Test: A Laser Pointer

From Green Laser + Night + Fog

I am about to present to you the best masculinity test in the entire world. Forget all those brain scans. Forget the surveys. If you’re wondering if someone is a man or not just bust out a nice laser pointer one night, and shine it on something far away.

If the response is, “you’re stupid”, then you’re talking to a woman. If the response is, “Holy God, give me that fucking thing”, you’re talking to a man.

It really is that simple.

Men like to directly influence things. When you light up a stop sign half a mile down the road with a laser pointer you’re saying to the sign (and everyone in view), “I am touching you from way over here, and you can’t stop me. Feel my power.”

When you offer such influence to a woman, in the form of handing her your laser pointer, you might as well be giving her a steamy turd. It’s like stupidest thing she’s ever heard of, and she can’t believe that she’d spend time hanging out with anyone who’d find pleasure in such a thing. And that makes sense. Men want to wield power, and most women couldn’t care less.

So the next time you’re wondering about whether or not someone is masculine or not, wield a nice laser pointer in their vicinity. If their pupils dilate like a 4-year-old boy with a Tonka truck then you know you’re dealing with a man’s man. ::