The Sarah Palin Vetting Process

Image from AP

Here’s how I imagine the phone call taking place where McCain’s VP search organizer (we’ll call him Michael) calls McCain to tell him he’s found Sarah Palin.

–

McCain Staffer: “Sir, I’ve got great news. I’ve found a woman to run with you!”

McCain: “A woman? Can she read?” (laughing openly)

(pause)

McCain: “I’m kidding, Michael. You know that, right? That’s just my crazy sense of humor.”

Staffer: “Heh…yes, sir…Just remember we’re trying to build an image here and…”

McCain: “Listen Mike, when I was in that prison camp all I had was humor to keep me going. I served this country…”

Staffer: “Yes, sir—I know—I wasn’t challenging your service to the country…I was just saying…”

McCain: “You’re damn right you weren’t. Anyway, so what do you have for me? What’s the scoop on this chick?”

Staffer: “Well sir, she’s really young—only in her 40′s—and she’s very attractive. She was a beauty queen in fact.”

McCain: “A beauty queen, huh? Is she rich?” (laughing)

(pause)

McCain: “No, seriously…what’s her deal?”

Staffer: “She’s gold, sir. She’s a governor in Alaska. Pro-life. She’s for drilling and hunting from helicopters. Did I mention she’s attractive?”

McCain: “Pro-life and attractive, huh? And she’s a governor? Done deal, Mike. Make sure she’s not a closet liberal or a porn star or something. If she’s clean put me on a plane to go meet her. What did you say her name was?”

Staffer: “Sarah Palin, sir. You met her once, around six months ago.”

McCain: “I meet a lot of people Mike. Anyway, make sure she’s not hiding something and get me on a plane to see her. Sandy’s about to be our VP.”

Staffer: “Sarah, sir.”

McCain: “Yeah, whatever…attractive Republican female. Get me on a plane.”