Sarah Palin Thinks Jesus Will Return in Her Lifetime, and That the Earth is Less Than 7,000 Years Old

By Daniel Miessler on September 17th, 2008: Tagged as Election 2008 | Politics | Religion

facepalm
Image from assassindolphin

No, I’m not about to link to an Onion article. I wish I were. This is, unfortunately, real. This is the hockey Mom who’s disturbingly likely to be one bad medical visit from the White House.

A pastor named Philip Munger has been following Palin for a while now, and has had numerous encounters with her over the years in Alaska. Here’s a clip from a Salon.com article about one such interaction:

Another valley activist, Philip Munger, says that Palin also helped push the evangelical drive to take over the Mat-Su Borough school board. “She wanted to get people who believed in creationism on the board,” said Munger, a music composer and teacher. “I bumped into her once after my band played at a graduation ceremony at the Assembly of God. I said, ‘Sarah, how can you believe in creationism — your father’s a science teacher.’ And she said, ‘We don’t have to agree on everything.‘

“I pushed her on the earth’s creation, whether it was really less than 7,000 years old and whether dinosaurs and humans walked the earth at the same time. And she said yes, she’d seen images somewhere of dinosaur fossils with human footprints in them.”

Munger also asked Palin if she truly believed in the End of Days, the doomsday scenario when the Messiah will return. “She looked in my eyes and said, ‘Yes, I think I will see Jesus come back to earth in my lifetime.‘”

Let’s review:

Thinks the earth is less than 7,000 years old, i.e. creationist. Check.
Thinks Jesus is coming back in her lifetime. Check.

And now we see the picture. It’s no wonder she wants to play rough with Iran and Russia—she doesn’t give a fuck what they do. If they get pissed off and start a nuclear war, no worries. Jesus will swoop in and save the believers anyway.

I like atheists in charge of the nukes—or at least people with a somewhat secular view of the world. It’s important to think that THIS existence is important when wielding the influence and weapons that can bring it to an end.:

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http://dragonflyeye.net/ DragonFlyEye

I think I like the part about fossils with human footprints next to them best. Where did she see these?
http://dragonflyeye.net DragonFlyEye

I think I like the part about fossils with human footprints next to them best. Where did she see these?
http://blog.alexgirard.com/ Alex

Here is the “dinosaur fossils with human footprints” photos:

http://www.paleo.cc/paluxy/paluxy.htm

“However, the “man track” claims have not stood up to close scientific scrutiny, and in recent years have been abandoned even by most creationists.”
http://blog.alexgirard.com Alex

Here is the “dinosaur fossils with human footprints” photos:

http://www.paleo.cc/paluxy/paluxy.htm

“However, the “man track” claims have not stood up to close scientific scrutiny, and in recent years have been abandoned even by most creationists.”
http://westwood.fortunecity.com/dolce/636/cooperatistation.html TIMM
Hey, I have another biased second hand source of negative information about Palin! (with original website below)

“Friday, September 12, 2008

The REAL Truth About Sarah Palin Sarah Palin’s many rabid supporters have attempted to paint a very mythic picture of their favorite (or ‘favourite’, for all you English chaps) female vice-presidential candidate.

However, the facts stand for themselves:
1. Sarah Palin is a contortionist. She can fit in very small places, like the pocket books of big oil executives.
2. She once was quoted as saying “I think we should dump massive of amounts of oil into the Arctic Sea. That’s all part of God’s plan.”
3. Sarah Palin is against a woman’s right to choose. Her 17-year-old daughter, who was raped, wants to get an abortion, but Sarah Palin told her no.
4. She supports the usage of grenade launchers to hunt small game, such as foxes.
5. Sarah Palin supports the right to own guns. Well, in 1985, guns killed countless numbers of people.
6. Sarah Palin once told reporters “I’m so glad there are no Mexicans in Alaska.”
7. She onces kicked a baby into heavy traffic, and thought it was hilarious. The baby died.
8. If John McCain is the Emperor, Sarah Palin is Darth Vader.
9. Sarah Palin once introduced a bill that would ban fun, including sex.
10. Sarah Palin has repeatedly refused to go on the Maury Show. How do we know those kids are really hers?
11. Sarah Palin once said that creationism should be taught in schools along with evolutionism. “Don’t be afraid of information.” she said. Information? More like falsemation.
12. She gave tax cuts to big corporations. BIG corporations. CORPORATIONS. THAT ARE BIG.
Here is an actual letter I received from an actual real true friend of Sarah Palin’s:

Hello, my name is [name withheld]. Me and Sarah have known each other for years and years and we’re very, very close. Our kids go to same school. I live on the same street as her. I’ve seen her naked. Twice. Anyhow, we know each other on a first-name basis, and we’ve even been to their Easter Party before, although, the cook burned the lamb dinner (and he was promptly fired) and we were forced to order pizza from Dominoes, although I clearly voiced that I wished to eat from Pizza Hut. However, Sarah never listens and proceeded to order from Dominoes instead, whose pizza tastes like garbage.

Sarah has played Baby-Seal-Baseball. It’s like baseball, but instead of a ball, they use a baby seal. It’s a very cruel game which I only played three innings of before being disgusted and leaving the ballpark, but not before hitting two RBIs and getting two steals.

Sarah Palin often throws a bunch of ideas out into the open, and if an idea gets a lot of support, she takes all the credit for her own idea. That tramp.

When she got elected Mayor, fired all the experienced people on the city staff and hired a Funk Rock band to manage the city’s affairs. These people were so high on the sticky-sticky at all times that it basically gave Sarah the power to carry out her agenda and get things done. I believe a city is best run when the Mayor and staff are constantly at odds over everything.

Sarah is really good at hiding things from people. She once hid her 9-month pregnancy from her own family by always sitting down or behind something to cover her belly. Then, she would only move to various places when nobody was looking. What else is she hiding?

You should’ve ordered the Pizza Hut, Sarah.

Also, besides that true* letter which is certainly real, I figured out earlier today that Sarah Palin is literally the spawn of the Devil. Yes.

You know the 666 code? Well, in the Biblical book of Revelations, the beast that takes over the world, known commonly as the Antichrist, has a number, 666, and if one can calculate what it means, they could figure out who the AC was.

And the number basically breaks down to:

600 60 6

So, if you take the number of letters in Sarah Heath Palin’s name (15) and multiply that times the number of months from the start of the reign of Palin (whose name almost rhymes with ‘Satan’), you get 600. Now add her name’s digits times the number of years she would spend in the white house under a normal presidential term, and you get 60, then add the number of years a Senate seat term, which John McCain holds, and you get a 6!

omg, right?

Oh, but behold, there is moar:

If you take the date in which Sarah Palin began governor of Alaska (December 15) and turned it into a digit, it would be 12-5, right? Well, if you open your Bibles to the first book, Genesis, in chapter 12:5, that’s where the first mention of Abraham’s wife, SARAH is documented! Now, here’s the part that will cause you to shit a brick… if you flip to the LAST book of the Bible, Revelations (which was written by a man named JOHN), and go to chapter 12:5, that’s where the first mention of the antichrist is in a chapter titled “The Woman and The Dragon” and it goes on to explain how the first antichrist will DIE and be succeeded by a second one.

*I’m not kidding

On a scale of 1 – 10, with 1 being “She sucks” and 10 being “She’s horrible”, how much do you despise Sarah Palin’s corrupt right-wing politics?

(from: http://www.xanga.com/AvenueToTheReal)

[Sarah Palin bad, Joe Biden good.]

-=T=-
http://westwood.fortunecity.com/dolce/636/cooperatistation.html TIMM
Hey, I have another biased second hand source of negative information about Palin! (with original website below)

“Friday, September 12, 2008

The REAL Truth About Sarah Palin Sarah Palin’s many rabid supporters have attempted to paint a very mythic picture of their favorite (or ‘favourite’, for all you English chaps) female vice-presidential candidate.

However, the facts stand for themselves:
1. Sarah Palin is a contortionist. She can fit in very small places, like the pocket books of big oil executives.
2. She once was quoted as saying “I think we should dump massive of amounts of oil into the Arctic Sea. That’s all part of God’s plan.”
3. Sarah Palin is against a woman’s right to choose. Her 17-year-old daughter, who was raped, wants to get an abortion, but Sarah Palin told her no.
4. She supports the usage of grenade launchers to hunt small game, such as foxes.
5. Sarah Palin supports the right to own guns. Well, in 1985, guns killed countless numbers of people.
6. Sarah Palin once told reporters “I’m so glad there are no Mexicans in Alaska.”
7. She onces kicked a baby into heavy traffic, and thought it was hilarious. The baby died.
8. If John McCain is the Emperor, Sarah Palin is Darth Vader.
9. Sarah Palin once introduced a bill that would ban fun, including sex.
10. Sarah Palin has repeatedly refused to go on the Maury Show. How do we know those kids are really hers?
11. Sarah Palin once said that creationism should be taught in schools along with evolutionism. “Don’t be afraid of information.” she said. Information? More like falsemation.
12. She gave tax cuts to big corporations. BIG corporations. CORPORATIONS. THAT ARE BIG.
Here is an actual letter I received from an actual real true friend of Sarah Palin’s:

Hello, my name is [name withheld]. Me and Sarah have known each other for years and years and we’re very, very close. Our kids go to same school. I live on the same street as her. I’ve seen her naked. Twice. Anyhow, we know each other on a first-name basis, and we’ve even been to their Easter Party before, although, the cook burned the lamb dinner (and he was promptly fired) and we were forced to order pizza from Dominoes, although I clearly voiced that I wished to eat from Pizza Hut. However, Sarah never listens and proceeded to order from Dominoes instead, whose pizza tastes like garbage.

Sarah has played Baby-Seal-Baseball. It’s like baseball, but instead of a ball, they use a baby seal. It’s a very cruel game which I only played three innings of before being disgusted and leaving the ballpark, but not before hitting two RBIs and getting two steals.

Sarah Palin often throws a bunch of ideas out into the open, and if an idea gets a lot of support, she takes all the credit for her own idea. That tramp.

When she got elected Mayor, fired all the experienced people on the city staff and hired a Funk Rock band to manage the city’s affairs. These people were so high on the sticky-sticky at all times that it basically gave Sarah the power to carry out her agenda and get things done. I believe a city is best run when the Mayor and staff are constantly at odds over everything.

Sarah is really good at hiding things from people. She once hid her 9-month pregnancy from her own family by always sitting down or behind something to cover her belly. Then, she would only move to various places when nobody was looking. What else is she hiding?

You should’ve ordered the Pizza Hut, Sarah.

Also, besides that true* letter which is certainly real, I figured out earlier today that Sarah Palin is literally the spawn of the Devil. Yes.

You know the 666 code? Well, in the Biblical book of Revelations, the beast that takes over the world, known commonly as the Antichrist, has a number, 666, and if one can calculate what it means, they could figure out who the AC was.

And the number basically breaks down to:

600 60 6

So, if you take the number of letters in Sarah Heath Palin’s name (15) and multiply that times the number of months from the start of the reign of Palin (whose name almost rhymes with ‘Satan’), you get 600. Now add her name’s digits times the number of years she would spend in the white house under a normal presidential term, and you get 60, then add the number of years a Senate seat term, which John McCain holds, and you get a 6!

omg, right?

Oh, but behold, there is moar:

If you take the date in which Sarah Palin began governor of Alaska (December 15) and turned it into a digit, it would be 12-5, right? Well, if you open your Bibles to the first book, Genesis, in chapter 12:5, that’s where the first mention of Abraham’s wife, SARAH is documented! Now, here’s the part that will cause you to shit a brick… if you flip to the LAST book of the Bible, Revelations (which was written by a man named JOHN), and go to chapter 12:5, that’s where the first mention of the antichrist is in a chapter titled “The Woman and The Dragon” and it goes on to explain how the first antichrist will DIE and be succeeded by a second one.

*I’m not kidding

On a scale of 1 – 10, with 1 being “She sucks” and 10 being “She’s horrible”, how much do you despise Sarah Palin’s corrupt right-wing politics?

(from: http://www.xanga.com/AvenueToTheReal)

[Sarah Palin bad, Joe Biden good.]

-=T=-
SGA

Who are you to say that she is wrong? Intolerance!!!
SGA

Who are you to say that she is wrong? Intolerance!!!
SGA

Don’t force your atheistic beliefs on me!
SGA

Don’t force your atheistic beliefs on me!
SGA

Why can’t I visit a website without someone pushing their beliefs on me?
SGA

Why can’t I visit a website without someone pushing their beliefs on me?
badfrog

Sarah Palin’s insurmountable advantage is that she is not Barak Hussein Obama. She could be the Bride of Frankenstein and still win.

Even though the media loves to portray Christians, and especially Evangelicals, as ignorant hillbillies, and especially Evangelicals, they are in my experience some of the kindest and best read people around, grounded in reality and filled with an uncommon common sense. A close examination of every religion will reveal some serious howlers. Besides, have you ever really looked at what Jeremiah Wright believes? Now THAT’S scary.
badfrog

Sarah Palin’s insurmountable advantage is that she is not Barak Hussein Obama. She could be the Bride of Frankenstein and still win.

Even though the media loves to portray Christians, and especially Evangelicals, as ignorant hillbillies, and especially Evangelicals, they are in my experience some of the kindest and best read people around, grounded in reality and filled with an uncommon common sense. A close examination of every religion will reveal some serious howlers. Besides, have you ever really looked at what Jeremiah Wright believes? Now THAT’S scary.
bjames

“Most people think, Great God will come from the skies, Take away everything And make everybody feel high. But if you know what life is worth, You will look for yours on earth”

Bob Marley – Get Up Stand Up lyrics (I think Peter Tosh actually wrote the lyrics though)
bjames

“Most people think, Great God will come from the skies, Take away everything And make everybody feel high. But if you know what life is worth, You will look for yours on earth”

Bob Marley – Get Up Stand Up lyrics (I think Peter Tosh actually wrote the lyrics though)
sheen7334

Oh, I just think she is so cute. Let’s have her be vice-president, you know, the one who takes over when whats-his-name dies. She’ll be swell.
sheen7334

Oh, I just think she is so cute. Let’s have her be vice-president, you know, the one who takes over when whats-his-name dies. She’ll be swell.
goodfrog

@badfrog:

i would consider thinking that the earth is only 6-7k years old to be a massive breakdown in common sense – you can’t even explain natural things like the grand canyon in 6-7k years! D’oh! yeah, she believes that there was at least 1 talking snake in history, all the animals we see today were because Noah rounded 2 of each up, the first human woman was made of clay, etc…. yeah sure, jusy oozing common sense.

the VP (or P!) position is not about how nice a person you are, it’s about how good your judgment and your ability to reason is. believing in these sorts of things as factual history clearly shows a lack of judgment and reason.

who cares what Jeremiah Wright believes? this is the VP candidtate, not her pastor saying these things – and I’ll bet we don’t even want to know what her pastor believes. yikes! head for Canada or Mexico if this nutjob wins or becomes president!
goodfrog

@badfrog:

i would consider thinking that the earth is only 6-7k years old to be a massive breakdown in common sense – you can’t even explain natural things like the grand canyon in 6-7k years! D’oh! yeah, she believes that there was at least 1 talking snake in history, all the animals we see today were because Noah rounded 2 of each up, the first human woman was made of clay, etc…. yeah sure, jusy oozing common sense.

the VP (or P!) position is not about how nice a person you are, it’s about how good your judgment and your ability to reason is. believing in these sorts of things as factual history clearly shows a lack of judgment and reason.

who cares what Jeremiah Wright believes? this is the VP candidtate, not her pastor saying these things – and I’ll bet we don’t even want to know what her pastor believes. yikes! head for Canada or Mexico if this nutjob wins or becomes president!
nikolai

I like the one about the silver bell (below, #23) encased in solid rock that evangelicals say PROVES earth is only 6,000 years old!

http://www.morticom.com/categoryweirdearthanomalies.htm
nikolai

I like the one about the silver bell (below, #23) encased in solid rock that evangelicals say PROVES earth is only 6,000 years old!

http://www.morticom.com/categoryweirdearthanomalies.htm
SARAH

Sarah Palin’s daughter was not raped. She was impregnated by her boyfriend.

Your argument sort of loses all credibility when you make stuff up, Timm–even if it’s 20 pages long.
SARAH

Sarah Palin’s daughter was not raped. She was impregnated by her boyfriend.

Your argument sort of loses all credibility when you make stuff up, Timm–even if it’s 20 pages long.
http://angry-chris.blogspot.com/ Chris

@SARAH

You’re a fucking idiot.
http://angry-chris.blogspot.com/ Chris

@SARAH

You’re a fucking idiot.
Danny

12 – Are you fuckin’ series? Do you understand the dual concepts of comedy and satire? Are have I just been trolled? I actually hope so..
Danny

12 – Are you fuckin’ series? Do you understand the dual concepts of comedy and satire? Are have I just been trolled? I actually hope so..
Danny

Oh I wish I could spell….
Danny

Oh I wish I could spell….
Pingback: Notes of Chaos 2: The Revengening » Blog Archive » Sarah Palin Thinks Jesus Will Return in Her Lifetime, and That the Earth is Less Than 7,000 Years Old
Joe

Her name counts up as 555 maybe she is Antichrist Lite? Or Mark of the Not So Nice? I like to keep an open mind about shit as fucking ridiculous as creationism and the return of a middle eastern hippie God.
Joe

Her name counts up as 555 maybe she is Antichrist Lite? Or Mark of the Not So Nice? I like to keep an open mind about shit as fucking ridiculous as creationism and the return of a middle eastern hippie God.
jo-c

this is funniest shit I’ve ever heard. no kidding, it’s hilarious.
jo-c

this is funniest shit I’ve ever heard. no kidding, it’s hilarious.
jo-c

I guess i’m going to hell
jo-c

I guess i’m going to hell
jo-c

I can’t wait
jo-c

I can’t wait
jo-c

No kidding, one time i went to a church in colorado, a young adult group. they showed a documentary movie of moses crossing the red sea and used a computer animation to show how the shape of the plant or something fossilized, if u put a couple of lines here and there it was actually the wheel on the chariot of the egyptian king’s chariot. This proved that moses parted the red sea. It was an evangelical church and these guys were like yeah i believe it. It wasn’t funny it was actually sad and upsetting in a way. they went around asking people why you believed it and I just walked out. These kids had never gotten laid, I suspect it was part of the problem with their reasoning.
jo-c

No kidding, one time i went to a church in colorado, a young adult group. they showed a documentary movie of moses crossing the red sea and used a computer animation to show how the shape of the plant or something fossilized, if u put a couple of lines here and there it was actually the wheel on the chariot of the egyptian king’s chariot. This proved that moses parted the red sea. It was an evangelical church and these guys were like yeah i believe it. It wasn’t funny it was actually sad and upsetting in a way. they went around asking people why you believed it and I just walked out. These kids had never gotten laid, I suspect it was part of the problem with their reasoning.
jo-c

Oh this is why the media portrays christians as ignorant hillbillies, esc. evangelicals
jo-c

Oh this is why the media portrays christians as ignorant hillbillies, esc. evangelicals
Stacey

Yeah, Won’t you just be shocked when you find out she’s exactly correct, Only it will be too late when your standing at the throne of “God” ALL by yourself

And you won’t have your defense attorney with you, when your charged Guilty.
Stacey

Yeah, Won’t you just be shocked when you find out she’s exactly correct, Only it will be too late when your standing at the throne of “God” ALL by yourself

And you won’t have your defense attorney with you, when your charged Guilty.
http://dmiessler.com/ Daniel Miessler

Good point, Stacey. I hadn’t considered that. Thank you for the contribution.
http://dmiessler.com Daniel Miessler

Good point, Stacey. I hadn’t considered that. Thank you for the contribution.
jo-c

I never considered it either, stacey. Thenk you for the contribution.
jo-c

I never considered it either, stacey. Thenk you for the contribution.
stacy’s dad

@stacey: “Yeah, Won’t you just be shocked when you find out she’s exactly correct, Only it will be too late when your standing at the throne of “God” ALL by yourself”

what I’ll be shocked about are all the other pious, religious people who belong to religions other than Palin’s whose only crime was to be born in the wrong place/time – for example Muslims, Hindus, Buddists, or any non-christian.

sorry no, God didn’t do a magic act to create the grand canyon, Satan didn’t plant fake dinosaur bones to throw us off track and God doesn’t send souls to hell for not believing in a talking snake.

honestly Stacey, do you really believe (or think it’s even ok for others to believe) that the only reason we have animals on Earth today is because Noah put 2 of each on a boat? if so, please soak your head at your earliest convenience.

thanks for your contribution!

Sarah Palin Thinks Jesus Will Return in Her Lifetime, and That the Earth is Less Than 7,000 Years Old

By Daniel Miessler on September 17th, 2008: Tagged as Election 2008 | Politics | Religion

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